Recently various petitions have been circulating the Diabetes Online Community, so today let’s pretend to write our own. Tell us who you would write the petition to – a person, an organization, even an object (animate or inanimate) - get creative!! What are you trying to change and what have you experienced that makes you want this change?
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Attention: Voices In My Head SHUT. UP.
We the undersigned to hereby request the voices which offer nothing but critical, discouraging, and negative noise to be quiet.
When laying in bed at night, we should not be kept awake because you cannot find anything positive to say.
When trying something new, we should not feel discouraged, just because you tell us we won't be successful.
When trying to concentrate, we should not be distracted by your clamoring.
When a high or low number appears on the blood sugar meter, we should not take it personally just because you tell us we should.
When life takes an unexpected turn, we should not blame ourselves just because you do.
When looking in the mirror, we should not hate our reflection, just because you don't have anything nice to say.
When things don't go as planned, we should not assume we did something wrong just because you think we did.
When a challenge presents itself, we should not avoid it just because you don't think we can rise to the occasion.
Last week, I attended a Mother's Day celebration in my daughter's classroom. She made me a beautiful card, and answered a few questions.
The topic: "What ingredients are mothers made of?"
When I saw the title, I froze.
I was sure her words would look something like this...
But I was wrong...
So I've decided not to listen to you anymore, Stupid Voices.
And I would encourage anyone out there who may struggle with the same pointless chatter to sign this petition, and do the same.
Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?
We see Sugar's Pediatric Endocrinologist 4 times a year. For seven years, she's watched my daughter grow up. She knew her when her hair was scrunched up into curls all over her little head...and now...with her hair a tangled mess as she tries to style it herself.
I had a brand new baby, and had just moved across country with my diabetic toddler in tow when we first stepped foot through her door. Eventually, my third baby arrived (and she's had two herself along the way). Sugar transitioned to a pump, started school, and was diagnosed with celiac under her care. She's signed off on packets of camp papers and 504 stuff and insurance stuff. I can't tell you how many times she has put her arms around me when the defeat was suffocating...or how many times she's done the same while savoring victory.
There's not much I can write about here that she doesn't already know. And it's not like I can fake anything with her either. At the end of the day, she will download the numbers and see the averages for herself. She's a smart cookie, and knows how to read between the lines.
If there was one thing I'd want her to see, it's that we're doing the best we can.
Sometimes a rogue high or low blood sugar throws us for a loop, but we've refined our ability to catch those fly balls and keep our head in the game. Sometimes emotions run high...and, lately, there are subtle hints that hormones could be running higher (EEK!). Sometimes it's hard to make sense of anything, and other days everything just falls into place. We've managed to keep Sugar's A1c in a great range, consistently for the past 5-6 years, but it hasn't always been easy -- and puberty has yet to crash our party. The fun has just begun.
I would hate to ruin her glowing impression of life here, at the old Candy Hearts homestead. So, I won't mention the "HI" BG we saw a few days ago, after a pool party. Or the two juice boxes in the middle of the night that followed. I won't mention the day we forgot all her diabetes supplies when I was rushing to get to a kickboxing class, and then I didn't have anything except a stick of sugar-free gum to offer when she felt low. (Also: Special thanks to the new grad M.D. who did her endocrine rotation with our doctor for sprinting across the street like an Olympic athlete to find us some juice. Pretty sure you saved her life.) It's probably better to forget about what a bowl of cereal is capable of...or the fact that I still offer it for breakfast. And, seriously, I *KNOW* when I'm supposed to check for ketones, but... well...nevermind.
Hey, sometimes I get it right.
As Sugar's mom, she's seen me at some pretty low points, but she has always believed in me and my ability to get things back on track. For that, I just want to thank her from the bottom of my heart.
That was the day my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, about three weeks after her second birthday.
It's been almost eight years, and I can't remember the last time more than 30 minutes went by without a fleeting thought related to her diagnosis. What is her number? How many units are left in her pump? How many carbs will she be eating? How should I adjust her insulin to accommodate exercise? How will test anxiety affect her blood sugar and, in turn, affect her grades? Will the desert heat spoil the insulin in her pump?
It's an exhaustive list of variables with no end in sight. The basal thinking has become white noise in my mind.
In the time since her diagnosis, I've found myself stumbling over a series of steps...all the while, staring at the girl in the mirror, and wondering what happened to the girl left behind.
I'm pleased to report that a new girl has been emerging over the past few years, and I'd like to introduce you to her...
She likes loves candy (that really isn't new, but I figured I should own it), and her new sparkly pink cell phone case (thank you, Mr. Rose!!!!). She used to be uptight if anything in the house was out of place, but now she's content living with (a little) clutter. She loves her family deeply, and tries hard to embrace her role as wife and mother while learning to love life in the desert. She's also found a few hobbies that have nothing at all to do with diabetes advocacy:
She is a sharp shooter.
Well, kinda.
By "sharp shooter" I mean that I can shoot a gun, and hit the target a lotof the time. Going to the range is actually kind of cool -----> once you get over the fear that everyone around you (all of whom are also holding loaded weapons) will have a crazy moment and open fire.
She is a runner.
Okay...that's not true.
If you've been around Candy Hearts for awhile, you might remember how hard I tried (LORD KNOWS I TRIED!) to become a runner.
Yet again...it didn't work out.
But, lately, I've taken a liking to participating in fun runs...you know...themed 5ks -- like the Rave Run, the Fire Fly Run, and the Bubble Run. (On that note, saying I'm liking "fun runs" might be slightly deceiving, because I'm not actually running them. I mean, I run some of them...but...I walk {a lot} too).
Mostly I love that this is something I can do with my girls. All three of them really enjoy running, so I'm having fun making these memories with them. (Nevermind that I need a more experienced running pal to join us so the girls can run at a pace they prefer. I just can't keep up with them.)
She is a Dog Whisperer
Okay...not really.
But I do enjoy walking my dog.
Does that sound simple?
Sorry, but it's true!
I love the fresh air, and watching her natural canine instincts as she interacts with nature. Her paws click along on the ground, and it adds a relaxing rhythm to our strolls together.
She's in the running for the Women's MMA.
Alright. That's a flat out lie.
But I have started taking some cardio-kickoxing classes at Knockout Fitness, and I'm loving it!
Here...let me show you...
WAIT!!!
Remember I'm new at this. Very new, actually.
And...while I do appreciate my curves, I'm trying to tone them up a bit.
Also, it isn't easy to put this "out there", soooooo...go easy on me...my point is to demonstrate that there's plenty going on in my world which has
nothing to do with my daughter's diabetes.
Did you see it?
My muscle?
Here...let me show you...
Welcome to the gun show :)
I volunteer in the classrooms, and go on field trips. I have a never ending mountain of laundry waiting to be folded, and a sticky kitchen floor. I stress out over what to make for dinner, and do my best to get it on the table so we can sit down to eat as a family. I organize play dates, and try to help my girls learn how to be a good friend to others. I take the kids to the park and we go to the pool. I look for sales at the grocery store, and try not to spend money carelessly. We have Monopoly game nights, spontaneous home manicures, and my walls are decorated with their masterpieces. I have a career as a Registered Nurse, and love it when Mr. Rose flies over the house.
The truth is that I'm really just an ordinary mom, and managing my daughter's diabetes has become an ordinary part of my life. I may never be a sharp-shooting, marathon-running, kickboxing champion...but that's okay.
I am a dMom. (Check it: little d, BIG M!)
I'm doing the best I can, and won't apologize for the effort I put into anything.
Diabetes included :)
More than a D Mom was inspired by Hallie and introduced to the Diabetes Online Community earlier this week. On Tuesday, Meri shared her inner heart, and yesterday Lora talked about guilt, balancing her career, and the demands of diabetes. Tomorrow Tracy takes center stage, so stay tuned!
While I'm happy to share our experiences with what works, and what doesn't work, for the management of Type 1 Diabetes and Celiac Disease in our house, please do not mistake anything you read here for medical advice. Decisions regarding your/your child's health care should be made only with the assistance of your medical care team. Use any information from this blog at your own risk.
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